Trust Me

Tuesday, December 25, 2001

Signs - Five Man Electrical Band

Now I realize that the previous posting may have seemed a little too caustic for some people - get over it, it is only going to get better from here. As a tribute to Mr. Tarantino I've come up with a little haiku about the movie Pulp Fiction. Rumor has it that there is a prequel in the works. It would be kind of difficult to make a sequel I suppose because Travolta got a little banged up in the original, Jackson is out walking the planet somewhere, and Lord only knows where Hunny Bunny is these days. Until the person who challenged me to come up with a Pulp poem reminded me of the "rules" for a haiku ( 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables on three lines) I had not given the matter much thought. For those of you who know me, following rules of any kind is more than a little foreign to me, so it exorcised my brain in the process. Anyway:

Two "cool" hit men with
storage issues wait as their
boss finds a blow-torch

I hope that I don't have to explain that one. If you have not seen the movie then you would be a social leper in my circle of friends. What has the title of this blog got to do with this little article you may ask? Ask all you want, but it should be pretty easy to figure out. On another note, all of my postings will begin with a song title, a line in a song, or a line from a movie and I'll go from there. Please feel free to send in suggestions for new postings, keeping the above criteria in mind. I bet I can come up with some commentary from your twisted suggestions, suggestions that are pouring in from all over the world as we speak. As you can see writing can be fun after all kids.

Have a nice day.


Do they know its Christmas?- Band Aid

Christmas is an amazing time of the year - invented by a Jew, over which he had no real control, perpetuated by Christians only to be perfected by The massive Jewish conspiracy some two thousand years later. Ah, that previous sentence ought to capture your fargin' attention. Don't get me wrong, I think J.C. was an amazing human being, although anyone claiming to be the son of God these days usually ends up in the Happy House. Psychiatry has come a long way I suppose. Anyway, I think that Jesus would be spinning in his grave if he saw what has happened to the world since his departure. There have been millions upon millions of people slaughtered in the name of religion for starters, methinks the perpetrators are kind of missing the point. Peace and love people. I also don't think that J.C. would be too impressed by the commercialization of his supposed birthday either. [ There is no doubt that Christ's birthday isn't really on December 25th - this day was chosen by the Romans to coincide with pagan celebrations around the same time of the year, those sneaky little buggers ].

I often ask people in the few days before The Day if they are all ready for Christmas - the response is often the same, "Christ, I haven't even bought any presents yet, man".

Interesting response that. The "obligation factor" to spend a whack of money on the implicit understanding that you will get something back of similar worth, paints a pretty sad commentary on our society as a whole. Running around the shops ( all whacked out on Scooby Snacks ) looking for the perfect gift that will bring 2.8 seconds worth of joy to the recipient is what it is all about. Was that fleeting moment really worth the hours of stress and hassle? Most people don't even give gifts because they want to anyway - they just want the stroking of "Hey thanks!" to strike their auditory nerve at least 10 times that day. If you need reassurance that you are a lovely human being that badly, buy a bag of jelly beans and individually wrap them - that way you are assured of getting loads of plastic "thank you's" in return. What if Hitler would have done the jelly bean thing? What a different world it would be my friends.

People say that Christmas is for the kids. Bullshit. It's for all of the guilt ridden adults who think that buying the children some presents will somehow make up for their lack of emotional accessibility throughout the year. Kids really don't care that much - whoever gets the biggest present is declared the unofficial winner anyway. So if I want to give somebody a gift with no strings attached I'll do it at any other time of the year than Christmas - out of respect for my main man whose day we celebrate in such a perverted fashion. Just wait for bloody Boxing Day for some more stinging commentary - I'm just getting started.

Have a nice day.